A Day in The Life a Schitzo
by QuietlyInsane
Summary: This epic tale consists of udder randomness in the face of order! A fun time will had by all! read it! i know you want to...I don't want much, just your reviews...and maybe your immortal soul...
1. Udder Randomness

**Disclaimer: Come on people, if I owned Yugioh, then why the hell would I be writing a fanfiction for my own story? I also don't own the Price is Right. Duh.**

**Plenty of Tea bashing in this fic!**

**This first chapter is in script format because that is how I wrote it and if has a problem with that then insert vulgar action here **

**Qi is me in the story if you can't figure that out yourself. (QuietlyInsane)**

**All future chapters to this story will not be in script format for fear of being reported… or whatever they do. Anyway, this is 3 chapters I wrote smushed into one so enjoy! And please review!**

**/yami to yugi, yugi to yami/ same goes for Ryou and Bakura.**

**Crazy Game of Uno**

(Yugi and Qi walking down the street)

Qi - Hey I say we should just shoot her- (interrupted by the bubbly bitch Tea  
screaming at them from down the across the street)

Tea- Hello my friends! Isn't it a glorious day!

Qi-(flatly) Hello Tea aside to Yugi Please can I shoot her?

Yugi- (aside to Qi) No! I love her!

Qi -(rolls eyes) Then why set your alter ego up on a date with her?

Yugi- It wasn't a date!

Qi - Yea and scallops are flying out of my pants (Tea crosses street and amazingly  
doesn't get hit by a car) Damn.

Tea- You both must come to my house, we can watch rated G movies and draw smiley  
faced friendship symbols all over our bodies!

Yugi- ummm...

Qi - Sorry Tea, maybe some other time.

Tea- (looking completely unphased by this rejection) Well OK! Yes, some other  
time!(skips away, throwing paper flowers on random people that pass her by)

Qi - God Damn it, why must people like that exist! (wind picks up drastically)  
WHAT THE HELL!

Yugi-(looks up to see Kiaba jumping down from one of his helicopters) Kiaba?

Kiaba- I CHALLENGE YOU TO A GAME OF...

Qi - (rolls eyes) Well, here we go again.

Kiaba- UNO!

Yugi- Uno?

Kiaba- Yes, UNO! I will regain my title of the world's number one duelist  
and-(interrupted by Yugi)

Yugi- You'll regain your title through a game of uno?

Kiaba- YES! MWHAHAHA!

(white van pulls up, men in white suits jump out)

Random guy in white suit- Time to go back to the Happy Hotel, Mr. Kiaba

Kiaba- NO NO! (men wrestle him to the ground, put a straight jacket on him) NO  
PLEASE I MUST REGAIN MY TITLE!(thrown in van driven away)

Yugi- wow.

Yami-/laughing hysterically from him soul room/

Qi -(sees uno deck on ground) Wanna play any way?

Yugi- Sure (annoying blue light thing) YU-GI-OH!

Qi - Now, was that really necessary?

Yami- um...yes! I am the King of all Games including UNO!

Qi - I think we have established that fact.

Yami- LETS DUEL!

Qi - To solve every problem must you insist on a duel?

Yami- Yes...

Qi - Whatever, I'll go first (puts down red four)

Yami- MY MOVE!

Qi - No Shit.

Yami- I have nothing in my hand that can defeat a red four!

Qi - Do you even know how to play?

Yami- Of course I do...no...well, I am a quick study! (slaps down a red skip card)

Qi -(waits for Yami to go again...he doesn't) dude, its your turn again, you skipped  
my turn with that card so its your turn.

Yami-I knew that!...I have nothing...

Qi - UGH! Then you draw until you do have something!

Yami-(smirking) That only helps me defeat you sooner.

Qi -(sighs) No Yami, drawing more cards is bad in this game.

(this cycle of Yami, putting down cards he doesn't understand, Qi getting pissed off  
continues until Qi calls)

Qi - UNO!

Yami-(has almost the whole flippin' deck in his hands) NO! I don't have anything that  
can stop her! Heart of the UNO cards guide me! (pulls yellow 2) NO! I need a wild plus  
4 in order to defeat her! The heart of the UNO cards has failed me! (begins sobbing)

Qi - Dude, it's just a game...for the love of Ra.

Narrator- Will Yami ever win the game? Will the Heart of the UNO cards guide him?

Qi - There is no Heart of the UNO cards!

Yami- NO! continues sobbing

Narrator- Will Qi shoot Tea?

Qi - You bet your sweet ass I will.

Narrator- Will Kiaba ever regain his title? Find out, next time!

Yami-(blows nose) Which is when?

Narrator- Whenever the mighty authoress decides it shall be.

Yami- And who is this "mighty authoress"?

Narrator- No one knows.

Qi -(to herself) wow, these people are stupid. (rolls eyes)

**The Price is Right**  
(Yami and Qi still playing uno)

Yami-(puts hand on deck I surrender retreats back to soul room, leaves Yugi standing  
there)

Qi - Yami has some serious issues.

Yugi- Yea, well, you would too if you were trapped in puzzle pieces for 5,000 years.

Qi -Its 3,000 years.

Yugi- But the theme song guy said-

Qi - Well, the theme song guy got it wrong.

Theme Song Guy- Hey!

Qi - Sorry, Dude but your wrong, you clearly state in your annoying little speech at  
the beginning of season one, "when the pyramids were still young" that indicates that the  
time period to be about 3,000 years, because 5,000 years is when the first pyramid was  
being built, planned, or not even thought of yet, I'm not sure which but I know your  
wrong.

Yugi- Damn, you're good.

Qi - Thanks, I have a knack for history.

Ryou-(jumps out of a nearby manhole)Hello Everyone! I got tickets to the Price is Right!

Yugi-What are you were you doing down there! And it's just me and Qi standing here Ryou (looks around and sees everyone standing around him) How the- What the-

Qi - Don't question it.

(On plane with, Yugi, Yami, Bakura, Ryou, Tea, Tristen, Joey, Kiaba, Mokuba,(why Mokuba? We'll he's always in tow) Kiaba in  
straight jacket and Qi)

Bakura- I will kill you all.

(In audience)

Yugi- This is so awsome!

Tea- I'm here with all my friends!

Qi - glaring at Tea, plotting) Too many witnesses here...

Joey- I hope I win a new car!

Man with shiny jacket- Joey Wheeler you're the next contestant on the Price is  
Right!(music plays)

Joey- HOLY SHIT! (runs down to contestants row, giving random people high fives)  
HI BOB, I'D LIKE TO MAKE A SHOUT OUT TO MY SIS SERENITY I LUV YA!  
(has I love Bob painted all over his face)

Bob- Riiiiiiiight...Lets show them the next item up for bid.(Barker Beauty comes out  
with a washer and dryer, announcer guy explains it)

Bob- Joey what is your bid?

Joey- Ummmm...40, 000 yen?

Bob- In american money...

Joey- Uh, I dont know the exchange rate...

Bob- Just come up here your the only one in contestant row.

Joey- (looks around sees that he is) OH! FLIPPIN' SWEET! (runs up on stage)

Bob- (flatly) I wonder what he could win?

(up in audience)

Mokuba- What's up with, Bob, he used to be so cheery?

Qi - Cut him a break he friggin' 90 yrs old.

Down on stage

Man in shiny jacket- A NEW CAR!

Joey- (flipping out, runs around stage)

Ygo cast- What the Hell?

Kiaba- The mut gets a car!

Bob- Now Joey, Do you know how to win this game?

Joey- Of course I do, ya jus' pick da price of da car from da two price tags, those lovely  
ladies are holdin' ova there, (winks at the ladies, they roll their eyes) I pick...(crowd  
goes nuts, all yellin' at him, tellin' him which one to pick) DAT ONE! (sirens go off)

Bob- He won! Big ass surprise.

Joey- (flips out) THIS CAR WILL GO GREAT WITH THE 3 MILLION DOLLARS!

Yugi- WHAT?

Qi - Oh, come on Yugi, no operation costs 3 million dollars, it was actually 3 million  
yen, but I have no idea what that is in dollars.

Man in Shiny jacket- Yugi Mutou, you're the next contestant on the price is  
right!

music plays, an extremely pissed off Yugi, who is now Yami, storm down to  
contestants row, next item up for bid is shown

Kiaba-(who was apparently called down at some point)... 3,000 dollars, Bob.

Yami-glares at Kiaba 1 dollar.

Bob- The actual retail price is, 2,999 dollars, Yugi wins!

Kiaba- NO! I MUST REGAIN MY TITLE!

(since I am way too lazy, to write out the whole damn game, obviously Yami wins, Tea  
is also called down, wins at contestants row)

Bob- Tea your going to play-PLINKO! (loud happy roar from audience)

Tea- Oh my good golly gosh!

in audience

Qi -(crossbow out aimed at Tea's head) Move an inch to the left you little bitch...

on stage

Tea- Bob? How do I do this?

Bob- Normally, you pick which price is right for the blender and other assorted lame prizes and if you get it right you get plinko chips to put in the board, but since I'm probably gonna die soon just take the damn chips.

Tea- Oh, thank you friend for explaining that to me! (goes to put chips in board, Tea  
falls in Plinko board, is sliced up, not unlike a Kenny death, South Park (if you don't  
know)

Bob- Oh, too bad Tea. (no one seems to give a flying fuck)

Qi- (pouting) Oh, I wanted to kill her, damn it...

Narrator- Will Yugi get his money back?

Joey- (rolls up in a hummer on 22s ( 22 inch rims people, get the times) wearing a fur  
coat, covered in diamonds and bling, with 6 hookers in the hummer with him) His ass  
ain't gettin' that money back, I spent it all!

Narrator- Uh...right then...Will Tristen ever have a line to say in this story?

Tristen- (starts to say something, Qi knocks him out with frying pan)

Narrator- Will Kiaba ever regain his title? Probably not. Tune in next time, for the  
exciting continuation of THE PRICE IS RIGHT!

* * *

**Boxers of Briefs**

- ok since I'm way to lazy to write out the ending for the price is right, I'm not gonna, use  
your imagination, now with this chapter, I've got 2 versions of the opening sequence,  
Why? I couldn't decide which was better so here ya go-

Yugi getting dressed in the morning, starts to put on briefs

Yami- Must you insist on wearing those things?

Yugi-(screams) You watch me dress?

Yami- (rolls eyes) We share the same body, baka!

Yugi- Oh, Well, to answer your question I don't like boxers. Why don't you like briefs?

Yami- I feel confined in tight spaces.

Yugi-(to himself) This, coming from the guy who lives in a puzzle...

Yami- Thats it! We're wearing boxers!

Yugi- NO! runs away from Yami( still naked, might I add )

Yami- You can't run from yourself! (takes control, quickly grabs the boxers, stuffed in  
back of Yugi's underwear drawer, begins to put them on)

Yugi-(takes back contol) NO!(control switches back and forth between them as the  
boxers go up and down,Qi walks in)

Qi - Are you two ready yet-(sees that the boxers are down at this point) I'll  
leave you two alone...

Alternate beginning

Yugi-(starts putting on boxers)

Yami- Must you insist on wearing those things?

Yugi-(screams) You watch me dress!

Yami-Well, Duh! Gotta make sure you put on the appropriate amount of belts!

Yugi- (rolls eyes) 8 belts aren'nt enough for you? (check me on that, the neck belt, 2  
belts around the waste, and 2 on either wrist of his jacket, and 3 on that bondage shirt he  
wears on occasion)

Yami- You know full well, about my belt fetish!

Yugi-(disregarding what he just heard) What's wrong with boxers?

Yami- They bunch up in the sexy, tight leather pants the ladies love.

Qi-(whistles from other room)

Yami-(hearing Qi's whistle) See?

Yugi- They only bunch up on me, because I got a bigger size for you.

Yami- Oh, right, the height difference.

Yugi- And the weight gain-

Yami- THE WHAT?

Yugi- The weight gain, we grow a foot in height, and that's gotta add some extra pounds.

Yami-(sniffles) Are you saying im fat?(begins to cry)

Yugi- What? No! That's not what I meant!

Yami-That's not what I heard!

Qi-(walks in room) Are you done getting ready yet? (sees that they're still naked)  
I guess that's not the only thing that gets bigger...(grins)

Yami/Yugi-(both realize that they're naked andblush)

Dragon- I'll leave you two alone...

Yugi-(quickly puts on boxers and gets dressed, with all 8 belts, walks out)

-This is where it is the same-

Qi- So where are we going?

Yugi- Umm, How about, McDonalds?

Qi- Sounds good. (get to McDonalds) I'll have a McChicken sandwich with a Root  
Beer.(pays)

Yugi- Hmmmm, What do I want...

Yami- /Chicken./

Yugi- (begins to order) Chi- /wait, I don't want chicken, I want a quarter pounder with  
cheese/

Yami-/ Well, fine put extra pickles on it./

Yugi-(contines order) Extra-/wait, no, I hate pickles/

Yami- (takes contol screams) Pickles!

Yugi-(takes back control, yells) No!

Yami- (takes control again, screams) Pickles!

Yugi-(regains control, yells) No!

all that the cashier heard was- Chi-Extra-PICKLES!-NO!-PICKLES!-NO!

Cashier-(stepback from the counter, slowly)Is there a problem sir?

Yugi-Ummm, no...(interrupted by screaming at the next counter)

Ryou- (yelling) -SALAD!

Bakura-(screaming)- HAPPY MEAL!

Ryou-(yelling)- SALAD!

Bakura- (now thrashing about) I WANT A FUCKING MY LITTLE PONY BIG KIDS MEAL!

Cashier- Somebody call the asylum!

Yugi- Oh, Crap!(grabs Bakura, runs out the door, with Qi close behind0

Qi -(running )WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?(hears sirens) OH, SHIT  
WHAT NOW!

(White van pulls up, men in white jump out, tackle Yugi, Bakura, and Qi)

Bakura- NEVER SURRENDER! (man in white wrestles a straight jacket on him)

Qi - HEY I'M NOT THE SCHITZOS THEY ARE! (straight jacket out on Qi)

Yugi- (doesn't get chance to say anything before a straight jacket is put on him, and a  
tranquillizer is injected into his ass, all three thrown in van)

* * *

Yugi-(wakes up in padded room, strapped to the wall, beside Bakura and Qi) What  
happened?

Qi - You damn schitzos got me taken to an asylum.

Bakura-(who apparently took control earlier)This wouldn't have happened if I had only gotten my happy meal...

Ryou- / oh just shut up, you got to pick last time/

Bakura- /well last time they didn't have my little pony happy meals/

Yami- (takes control) Well we're not getting anywherestrapped to the damn wall.

men in white come back

Random Asylum worker- Time for group therapy.(hauls them off the the therapy session.)

Doctor- Now tell me what happened.

Yami-(looks at Bakura)

Bakura-(nods towards Yami)

Qi - Any final words Doc, while you still think your a doctor?

Doctor-...What thats supposed to mean-(bright flash of light, coming from Yami's  
direction, Doctor slumps over)

Bakura- So, Pharaoh, What did you make him think he was?

Yami- An Almond Joy.

Qi - (rolls eyes) Real creative, let's get out of here.

(Bakura and Yami easily manuver their ways out of the straight jackets.)

Qi-(sees they're free) How did you do that!

Yami-(begins to unstrap Qi)

Bakura-You honestly believe that this is our first time in straight jackets?

Yami- Okay let's get out of here.

Bakura- Follow me, I am a master at escaping any situation, being a tomb robber and all!

(all run down hall, sirens go off)

Yami-glares at Bakura I thought you were a "master" at escaping any situation, tomb  
robber!

Bakura- Hey, it was a silent alarm, and I haven't been to this institution!

Yami-(mutters) that's a surprise...

Bakura- Oh, Get off your high horse Pharaoh!

Qi - BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! IN CASE YOU HAVENT NOTICED WERE  
TRYING TO FLEE SWIFTLY!

(all run down various hallways and corridors)

Yami- I think I see the exit!

Bakura- Thank you Captain Obvious, it's the door with the glowing red exit sign above  
it!

Qi - LIKE I SAID! SHUT UP!(guards up ahead, running towards them) Uh, Yami  
this would be a great time for a mind crush!

Bakura- This asylum was set up because a certain spirit couldn't keep his mindcrushes to  
himself!

Yami-(ignoring Bakura) MINDCRUSH! (bright flash of light, all the guards slump  
over)

Qi - Let's keep going! (all run out of asylum, down a few allways, and make it to  
Yugi's house) So, What you make them think they were?

Yami- Twizzlers.

Bakura- Again with the candy?

Yami- Hey, I haven't gotten my daily allotment of proccessed sugar today!

Qi -(rolls eyes) Don't worry, next chapter, there will be sugar.

Narrator- Will the police ever find the escaped asylum patients?

Yami- Not if they all want to think they're Reeces Pieces...

Narrator- Will Yami get his sugar?

Yugi- Please don't encourage him! A hyper Yami is a destructive Yami!

Bakura- I hear that!

Narrator- The answers to these questions, and the creation of news one next chapter!

**So what do you think? Please Review!

* * *

**

**CALLING ALL RYOU FANGIRLS**

**I am having a contest for all Ryou fangirls! If you would like to be in my next chapter, literally having your way with Ryou, please submit a statement that you wish to be included in the lottery! Now if anyone has seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer and knows of the episode, with the orgi wall, I am looking for one of you to play Buffy in the next chapter. If you can't figure out what you will be doing please look at the rating and figure it out for yourself. Thanks and Good Luck!**

**Ryou- WHAT?**

**Qi- You heard me.**

**Ryou- Are you trying to kill me?**

**Qi- No, I just figured that I would attract more readers and get more reviews this way.**

**Ryou- I hate you.**


	2. Alyek the Stapler

**Disclaimer- I don't even own my pants.**

**Ryou fangirl contest still in affect, for contestants and results please visit my profile! Thanks WolfSisterKarrina**

**On second thought, I will be writing this story in script format all the way! Screw (Hears pounding on door)**

**Qi- Who is it? (Picks up Who do you think? We are tired of your defiance and we are here to take you into custody. (Busts down door)**

**Qi- (running) You'll never take me alive! Freedom of Speech! (runs past them out the door) On with the fic!**

**Alyek the Stapler**

Narrator- Last Time on Days of Our Lives

Alyek- This isn't Days of Our Lives! (shoots staple in narrators general direction)

Narrator- Hey! Who the fuck do you think you are!

Alyek- The Mighty Authoress sent me to keep you all in line! (clicks threateningly)

Start the next chapter!

Qi- Hey! Let's go to six flags!

Tea- Yes! Another adventure for me and my friends!

Qi- (glares at Tea)

Yugi- I've never been to Six Flags…are we even in America?

(all look at Qi)

Qi- uh…yes?

Tristen- Th- (interrupted by Qi)

Qi- Did I say you could talk?

Kiaba- (comes skipping down the street with Mokuba close behind.) Six Flags is F-U-N fun! (singing the Spongebob Song) F is for friends who do stuff together!

Tea- (joins in) U is for you and me!

Kiaba/Tea- (dancing and singing together) N is for anywhere anytime at all! Down here in the deep blue seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea!

(All completely dumbfounded at what they have just witnessed.)

Mokuba- He's high on the drugs they've been giving him down at the asylum.

All- ooooohhhh.

Yami-(appears in spirit form) Let's just go.

(A/N- both Yami and Bakura can appear in spirit form, can be seen and affect the physical world. Got it? Good.)

(Random Coach USA bus pulls up, driven by Qi)

Joey- If there was any doubt that we were not in the USA…

Ryou- Do you even have your liscense?

Qi- I have my permit!

Bakura- Good enough for me. (gets on bus.)

All- (shrug and follow)

Qi- Okay guys, (tosses half of them coke cans) Start Chuggin'! (hits random things in her path, runs over a few people and cars)

Yugi- Hey! Watch the road!

Qi- Why? These are all fictionous people, they don't really exist.

Mokuba- Is Fictionous even a word?

Qi- It is in my story.

Bakura- Um…Ryou?

Ryou- …Yes?

Bakura- Would you mind if we uh, used the restroom? (smiles)

Ryou- Oh! I know what you mean. (smirks back.)

Joey- What the hell?

Qi- (puts bus on auto pilot and walks back) What the hell is going on back here?

Yami- Oh, leave them alone.

Yugi- Yea, me and Yami do that ourselves from time to time.

Yami- Yea, it's hard sometimes too, I mean there isn't always and bathroom available and we have to use a closet…

Ryou- (muffled sound from the bathroom) UNO!

Bakura- (muffled) Shit!

(stapler click is heard throughout the bus)

Mokuba- Did you hear that?

Kiaba-(off his high) What nonsense are you spouting now Mokuba?

(staple is shot at Kiaba's face, making him bleed.)

Mokuba- Big brother are you okay?

Kiaba- Yes of course? Why wouldn't I be?

Mokuba- A magic stapler just shot you in the face!

Kiaba- Please, it's all just mind tricks.

Yami- If this was all just a mind trick then you have one majorly fucked up mind!

Qi- I have a question for you.

Kiaba- What?

Qi- How long does it take you to shove that pole up your ass every morning?

Mokuba- (changing the subject) Hey, we're here!

Yugi- (Looks out window) Uh, no we're not, that's just the sign that says it's a mile away.

Alyek-( pops out of the luggage holder thingie above the seats) MWHAHAHA! Yes, it was I!

(All stare blankly at the flailing stapler)

Alyek-(sweatdrop) I am Alyek the magic stapeler! I was sent by the mightly authoress to keep this fic pg! No more sexual innuendos!

Qi- Okay. A, I didn't send you anywhere, and B, that's exactly why I rated this story M!

Ryou- (walks out of bathroom with Bakura pouting close behind.) If you think that was bad you should see a later chapter. I'm dreading it.

(All give him blank stares except for Qi.)

Qi- (changing subject) Hey we actually are here!

All- (get off bus, that crashed into a parking lot marker thingie…ya know like ur in the parking lot F 23…)

Qi- So guys, where are the empty cans?

All-(blank stare)

Qi- Hello, if you give them an empty coke can then you get a free ticket! With the purchase of ticket…Monday through Thursday.

Bakura- Why not just steal them.

Qi- Yea, would you mind?

Bakura- Of Course not. (encounters line) Well, this won't do. (sends all of the souls of the people in the line to the shadow realm, thus the elimination of the line, walks up to the man in the ticket window, pulls out a gun, shoots him, then takes the tickets.)

Qi- A little unorthodox but it works.

All- (encounter the metal detectors, all get through except for Ryou and Yugi.)

((Bakura and Yami have retreated to their soul rooms for the time being.))

Metal detector operator guy- Uh, sir will you please remove all metal objects.

Ryou- I would love to but (rips open shirt, exposing the millennium ring embedded into his chest) I can't.

MDOG- Just go sir!(sees Yugi) I hate my life. Please remove all metal from your body…sir.

Yugi-(removes all belts, takes off shirt, and pants, shoes, puzzle, just removes all metal until he's naked, walks through.)

Tristen- (thinks about saying something but decides against it)

Joey- Why does this have to happen everywhere we go?

Qi- Whatever lets just go

Narrator- Will Tristen ever have something to say? Why can they all suddenly speak and understand English? Will Qi ever get her license? Find out next time! Please Review!


	3. Don't Say Such Things!

**Disclaimer- If I did own the rights to Yugioh, I would be filthy stinkin' rich and I wouldn't waste my time writing a fanfic for my own story, which technically would not be a fanfic it would be fact. Hope I've made that clear.

* * *

**

**Don't Say Such Things!**

Yugi- Uh, guys? Weren't we just in six flags?

All-(blank stares)

Yugi- Never mind.

Joey- (looking at random map of Africa on the wall, starts laughing hysterically)

Qi- What the hell is so funny?

Joey- Nigger!

All- (have horrified looks on their faces)

Joey- What? Don't ya get it? There's a river in AFRICA called NIGGER! Its funny cuz black people are called niggers and there's a river-

Yugi- We get it!

Bakura- Holy shit, man are you trying to get us all killed!

Yugi- Yea, Joey you can't say that word!

Yami- It's pronounced Niger not Nigger!

Qi- My God! Whenever someone that's not black or Hispanic says that word its like standing in the middle of Compton and saying well…that word!

Ryou- Well, maybe that is where that term came from…

Yugi- What?

Ryou- Well, maybe some white person pronounced it wrong and used it as a derogatory term against African American people.

Yugi- Yea but still! Don't say it it's wrong!

Ryou- Two rights don't make a wrong.

Yugi- Wait is that the saying, isn't it a right doesn't make a wrong…or does it?

Qi- Three rights make a left!

Yami- I believe the saying goes, a wrong doesn't make a right.

Bakura- You should know Pharaoh! You probably used that lame ass line in one of your many sermons!

Qi- Please let's not start!

(Tupac busts down down)

Tupac- Sup foos' Which one of yall crakas used da word nigga? (pulls out gun)

All-(point to Tea who had just conveniently walked into the room)

Tea-Oh! A new friend to add to my arsenal of friends! FRIEND!

Tupac- (guns Tea down) Now I don wanna hear none of yalls usin' that word eva again, ya mean?

Qi- I thought you were dead…

Tupac-(eyes darting around the room, runs out)

(Not 2 seconds later Snoop Dogg swaggers into the room completely pimped out in, a pink fur coat, a white suit, a shit load of bling, a pimp cup, a pimp cane, pink sunglasses, giant pink feather hat, and to top it all off two hoes on leashes trailing behind him surrounded by an odd smelling smoke…)

Snoop Dogg- Yo, what up my shizzle fo rizzle, who da uizzle dizzle wizzle nizzle in dis

hizzle fo shizzle drizzle pizzle?

Tristen- Nah, my sizzle, wizzle dizzle drizzle, gizzle, me do double gizzle, it's of the hizzle for shizzle! My apologizzles.

Snoop Dogg- Pizzle my nizzle.

Tristen- Kizzle. (does the hand shake thingie with snoop dogg)

All-(have looks in various stages of shock, awe, and udder disbelief)

Tristen- What? I just explained to him that, yes one of my companions used that derogatory term, but it was said in complete ignorance of its true meaning and I will see to it that it is not spoken again.

Qi- And I thought you needed more charcter development, you're a hard ass gangsta!

Tristen- (blushes) Ah, well, thank you.

(Awkward silence)

Joey- So, what now?

Qi- How do you think vampires shave?

Yami- What do you mean?

Qi- Well, think about it. They can't see their reflections, and I've never seen a vampire with a beard.

Yugi- Yea! How do they shave?

Ryou- Maybe they shave each other…

Joey- That sounds gay.

Qi- Thanks for your input.

Yami- Besides aren't vampires loners?

Yugi- Yea, but maybe vampires sire vampires just to shave them. Like they have their own personal shaver vampires.

Qi- Hey! Maybe there's a vampire barber shop out there somewhere!

Yami- Well, then maybe there's a vampire barber shop quartet.

Ryou- Why wouldn't there be?

Yeslek- Maybe they use some kind of special enchanted mirror or something.

Qi- Yea but not every vampire would have one.

Yami- I've never heard of an enchanted mirror vampires use to shave with…

Bakura- (finally putting his 2 cents in) Well, that wouldn't exactly be in the record books.

Qi- I've been trying to get every ones opinion on this.

Joey- Wait who the hell are you?

Yeslek- Oh, I'm Yeslek the magic talking staple gun. Alyek is my cousin.

Joey- Are you gonna yell at us for the content of this chapter?

Qi- Again this is why I rated this story M! But I was thinking of changing the rating to T.

Yeslek- Oh, no I just like to kill people.

Yami- oh…maybe we should take cover…

Yeslek- Oh yes, I would if I were you.

(all run in random directions while Yeslek shoots staples at an alarming speed at them all, Qi picks up Tea's body and blocks the staples with it.)

Yeslek- FEAR MY POINTY PROJECTILES! (runs out of staples) shit. (hops through the broken window and makes his escape.)

Tristen- I should have popped a cap in it's ass.

Qi- (throws Tea's staple filled bleeding body aside) Yea that would have helped.

(All turn the furniture back over from when they used then for protection, all take their seats in front of the miraculously unharmed television.)

Ryou-(turns on tv) What should we watch? Oh! BBC!

All- NO!

Ryou-(sighs in defeat, channels change to different stations, a ramen commercial comes on, hello kitty passes by, a few animes, a kimono fasion show, an ad for sushi, other Japanese clichés occur)

Bakura-What the hell is this I thought we were in America!

Qi- Well, we're in Japan now okay?

(all shrug and settle on watching MXC)

* * *

Narrator- What the hell was that all about? Is Tristen really a hard ass gangsta? Where are the stapler's coming from? How do vampires shave?

Please read and review! And I would like to hear your opinions on how vampires shave. Please submit a response and the debate will continue!


	4. What A Strange Mind I Have

Disclaimer- I don't own Yugioh, but I am working on it…

Aaron- Thanks! Your reviews were very encouraging.

WolfSisterKaarina- Sorry If I spelled your name wrong but, I have lost interest in the whole Ryou fangirl thingie, but, however you do get your prize. Ryou for the rest of the next chapter is yours!

Ryou- BLOODY HELL! I'm hardly randy at the moment; I don't want to be shagged by a fangirl! What the hell am I saying? I never say those words!

Qi- I just thought it would be funny if you talked like a real Brit for once. Besides chill out, she has to come and claim you, so for right now your safe…

MuggleBuddy- I always appreciate your viewpoints, love ya!

I credit Allie for some of the more amusing ideas in this chapter, cookies for those of you that get the jokes!

* * *

**What A Strange Mind I Have…**

(all still watching television)

Tea- What shall we do now friends?

Qi- Shut up.

Tea- But I was only saying-

Qi- You wanna start something bitch? (stands up)

Tea- Yea I do! (stands up as well)

(Lil' Jon comes running through drinking crunk out of his pimp cup, spilling it all over the place in the process)

Lil' Jon- GIRL FIGHT!

Joey- What? Lil' Jon?

Lil' Jon- YEAH!

Yugi- What the hell are doing here? Stop spillin' crunk all over the place!

Lil' Jon- OKAY!

Qi- You know what, I'm in no mood to fight, so that makes me a better person, so I win.

Lil' Jon- WHAT?

Qi- I win.

Lil' Jon- WHAT?

Qi- I win.

Lil' Jon- YEAH!

Qi- OKAY!

Lil' Jon- Pardon me, but I believe that is my line.

Qi- Oh, Yea sorry.

Lil' Jon- OKAY!

* * *

Random Off Topic Scene! And GO!

(somewhere outside at night, Yami is standing on the sidewalk, with a pair of sunglasses and a rather large boombox.)

Yami- (turns boombox on, puts the sunglasses on, starts singing softly)

I wear my sunglasses at night

So I can so I can

Watch you weave then breathe your story lines

And I wear my sunglasses at night

So I can so I can

Keep track of the visions in my eyes

(Sings louder, dancing around like an idiot in the street)

While she's deceiving me

It cuts my security has

She got control of me

I turn to her and say

(jumps on a mail box)

Don't place the blame on the guy in shades oh no

Don't mess around with the guy in shades oh no

I can't believe it!

(starts twirling around on the sidewalk again)

Cuz you got it made with the guy in shades oh no!

(smacks head on into a lamp post, falls over)

Bakura- (walks over to Yami's unconscious body, sunglasses askew,the song still blasting) Oh no, I'd better not mess around with him. Oh, no. (walks away)

RANDOM MOMENT OVER!

* * *

Lil' Jon- YEA!

All- SHUT UP!

Yami- What the hell are you doing?

Bakura-(chewing on one of the spikes of the millennium ring) What? Did you honestly think this was real gold? ( peels off a piece of gold colored wrapping exposing a chocolate and caramel center)

Ryou- But, what about all the sacrifices?

Bakura- Hey, this is damn good chocolate!

Yami- Hmmmm. (picks up millennium puzzle, takes a bite out of it)Hey, mines crunchy!

Joey- O, Sweet! (takes a piece of the millennium puzzle, unwraps it and eats it, all follow taking a piece of their own.)

Qi- Well, I prefer a caramel center (takes a piece of the millennium ring.)

All-(sitting happily munching on the candy treats.)

Yugi- Hey, do you think the millennium rod is chocolate too?

Yami- I don't see why wouldn't be.

Tea-(rod randomly appears under the couch, she picks it up and starts sucking on the rod…)It's got nuts in it!

Qi- (starts laughing hysterically)

All-(don't even bother to explain, and start laughing too.)

(an ear shattering bass beat randomly starts up, shaking the house cracking a few windows.)

Joey- WHAT IS THAT?

All- (run outside, see Kiaba completely pimped out in a white suit, wearing a blinged out blues eyes white dragon and duel monsters card, rollin' up in a jumpin', baby blue, Cadillac on 22's, blasting Bad Boys for life by P Diddy, and to top it all off, the blue eyes white dragon as she originally was in ancient Egypt in the passanger's side smokin' a joint.)

Qi- (laughing even more hysterically at the sight before her.)

Yugi- WHAT ARE YOU DOING KIABA? (they have to scream because Kiaba has yet to either turn down or turn off the music)

Kiaba- PIMPIN' IT!

Lil' Jon- WHAT?

KIABA- I SAID PIMPIN' IT! I CAN MORE THAN AFFORD IT!

Lil' Jon- (jumps in the back of the car) YEAH!

(car pull's out)

Yami- You know, people are going to think that you're black.

Qi- I know. But I'm not, I'm as white as they come. I just live in a predominantly Black and Hispanic neighborhood.

Joey- That was weird.

Ryou- Our lives are weird.

(all go back inside)

Qi- Oh, shit, sorry Tristen I forgot you were there, wanna add to the dialogue?

Tristen- Yea, sure..what should we do now? Got anymore unanswerable questions?

Joey- Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

Tea- Do they have girl's bathrooms in gay bars?

Yugi- Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Bakura- If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn't we now be seeing people from the future?

Qi- Can someone give up lent for lent?

Yami- If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember  
that they forgot?

Tristen- I got nothing.

* * *

Narrator-…What the fuck was that?

Please read and review!


	5. The End? and Intervention Time!

Hiya! I'm back with another random bullshit chapter! Shoutout Time!

**MuggleBuddy**- Always appreiciate your reviews! Love ya!

**Fingolfia**- Well, I'm glad to send you into a fit of hysterical laughter!

**Everyone else**, all you 66 people or so who read it and didn't review!

Shame on you! But thanks for taking to time to read it, so why not review while your here?

**Disclaimer**- Do I even need to say it?

* * *

**The End! Intervention Time!**

**Ryou**- Am I reading that right?

Yugi- Read what?

Ryou- The Chapter title! It the end! We don't have to be tortured anymore!

All- YES! WAHOOO!

Qi- I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Yami- You went somewhere? And what intervention…

Qi- (offended) Yes! I went on vacation for a week!

Joey- Oh…We didn't even know you were gone…

Qi- Fuck you Joey, I'm not guaranteeing that this really is the end, but this is my last day with the computer and well my other computer is a piece of shit that won't let me go on websites sometimes…I don't know if it will let me post anything…if it will then this is not the end!

All- NOOOOOOO!

Qi- MWHAHAHA! The torture continues!

**Intervention Time!**

"Come on baby come on!" Yami yelled as the claw on the crane machine he was playing began to close in around the hello kitty doll that he had been wanting for so long.

"Yugi never said I couldn't win one, just I couldn't buy one…" He thought maliciously as the claw closed in around the white cat and slowly lifted it toward the prize slot. "Come on! Don't fail me know! I've pumped 10 dollars of Yugi's money into you!"

The crane machine no longer had the initiative or the patience to torture the funky looking kid any more than it already had. The crane and claw had marveled and then laughed their proverbial asses off at the gaming addicted kid's hair as he put quarter after quarter into the money slot. The claw had commented to the money slot and the crane that he looked like a rainbow shit on his head, then he went and licked an electrical socket. But the hair jokes were growing lamer by the second and the money slot was starting to get pretty sore after having all those quarters put into it, so they all decided to just give the man what he wanted.

"WAHOOOOOOO!" Yami yelled as the hello kitty doll dropped into the prize slot.

However the prize slot was not done torturing him. When he went to collect his prize the slot allowed his hand to enter, but did not allow it to exit.

"What? Hey! No! Let me go, you piece of crap!" Yami yelled as he tugged on his arm to free his hand.

When it did not give, Yami began to kick the crane machine and slap it, thinking that that help. It didn't, but the crane machine was growing annoyed at being assaulted and the prize slot was growing tired of holding the gambling addict's hand, so it released him, prize and all. He fell with a loud thud on the floor.

"Yes! Victory is mine!" Yami exclaimed squeezing the doll and stroking its fur.

It was then that Yugi decided to wake up from his all too convenient nap and take control of his body. Yami didn't mind as he simply appeared next him slightly transparent hugging the hello kitty doll.

"You need help." Yugi stated, trying his best to sound forceful.

"I got it didn't I?" Yami replied, defending himself.

"Yea! After," Yugi replied taking out his wallet, seeing how much money was wasted and calculated how many times his darker half had to get the little white cat in a pink sunflower dress, "20 trys!"

Yami completely ignored his short little mini-me, as he sometimes called him, and let out a…orgasmic sound.

"Oh no." Yugi said when he heard the sound his Yami had made.

Without another word, Yami began to run home, obviously very excited. A win always seemed to, well, arouse him…

"NO! You better not do what I think you're going to do!" The midget in denial exclaimed running after the transparent figure, doing his best to catch up to him.

"Hey! It's either this or get laid and the latter is not happening!" Yami yelled back, picking up speed as he ran through the shop's front door and up the stairs.

He didn't even make it a few feet into the room when he saw Yugi standing before him, arms crossed.

"How did you that?" Yami asked confused as he came to a screeching halt.

"You have a problem Yami, its intervention time." He stated and the socks from Stankervision, (a random bullshit skit show on mtv2) popped up behind him.

"You have a problem Yami." The white sock stated, "And it's tearing our family apart."

Yugi decided that this was a good time to leave the room.

"I don't have a problem!" Yami said, sitting down on the bed.

"Why don't you listen to what lotion bottle has to say." The black stated, letting the lotion bottle with google eyes on the nozzle speak its piece.

"Lotion Bottle, you too! I thought we were a team!" Yami exclaimed hurt that his old friend would betray him like this.

"I know gambling and gaming gets you excited Yami, and I don't mind helping you once and a while, but 6, 7 times a day! It's just not natural." The white lotion bottle stated.

"And don't get me started!" Lamp shade said, joining in on the conversation.

"Lamp shade! Not you too!" Yami said, shocked that he was in on this as well.

"Don't make me hop up to black light and show you what you've done to us! And if mini-blinds and ceiling fan could be here, they would have something to say too!" The brown lampshade with google eyes and a flap for its mouth stated.

"I'm sorry guys, but, it just feels so good!" Yami admitted, tearing up, putting his hand over his face.

"We know Yami we know. But, you know what else feels good?" The white sock said as it handed Yami a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Yami looked down at the bottle of liquor in his hand and replied, "I love you guys!"

"We love you too!" They all replied.

"You freaky bastard." One of the socks added, and they all embraced as Yami took a big swig of the brownish liquid.

Yugi decided to walk back into the room and see if any progress had been made and saw his Yami, drunk off his ass, making out with the pink sock.

"Oh, God. This is not what I had in mind!" Yugi said in protest of what had just seen, but decided to worry about it later and walked out of the room.

* * *

Narrator-…So what? Now it's in story format now?

Qi- Yes.

Narrator- Fair enough, review! I command you! All I want is your review! And maybe your immortal soul…


End file.
